There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
Will Rogers
"Townes Van Zandt is the best songwriter in the whole world and I'll stand on Bob Dylan's coffee table in my cowboy boots and say that."
- Steve Earle.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers
Do not speak harshly to any one; those who are spoken to will answer thee in the same way. Angry speech is painful: blows for blows will touch thee.
Buddha, The Dhammapada (c. B.C. 300)
Great investment opportunities come around when excellent companies are surrounded by unusual circumstances that cause the stock to be misappraised.
Warren Buffett
Your children need your presence more than your presents.
~Jesse Jackson
When I played drunks I had to remain sober because I didn't know how to play them when I was drunk.
Richard Burton
Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then. Life is boring without it.
Pearl S. Buck
"Brilliance is typically the act of an individual, but incredible stupidity can usually be traced to an organization."
Jon Bentley
Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade.
Leo F. Buscaglia
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
Anthony Burgess
Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change.
Confucius
Dammit, sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure.
Oscar Wilde
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
"If I heard Silent Night one more time, I was gonna start taking hostages."
Dana Scully, The X-Files
Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.
~Robert A. Heinlein
Never use intuition.
Omar Bradley
Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Delay may give clearer light as to what is best to be done.
Aaron Burr
To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them.
Charles Buxton
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped."
Elbert Hubbard
It was when I found out I could make mistakes that I knew I was on to something.
Ornette Coleman
You don't need to think, the government will do it for you.
Danielle Stein
I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
Thomas Jefferson
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
Will Rogers
A good country song takes a page out of somebody's life and puts it to music.
Conway Twitty (aka Howard Jenkins)
There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.
~Chinese Proverb
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'
Steven Wright
I think you can leave the arts, superior or inferior, to the conscience of mankind.
William Butler Yates
"If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut."
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.
Adlai E. Stevenson
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
Voltaire
If you wouldst live long, live well, for folly and wickedness shorten life.
Benjamin Franklin
A man of genius makes no mistakes; his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.
James Joyce
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.
Abraham Lincoln
It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.
Franklin P. Jones
A celebrated people lose dignity upon a closer view.
Napoleon Bonaparte
Acting should be bigger than life. Scripts should be bigger than life. It should all be bigger than life.
Bette Davis
I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
~William Butler Yates~
If your children spend most of their time in other people's houses, you're lucky; if they all congregate at your house, you're blessed.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
Be at the pains of putting down every single item of expenditure whatsoever every day which could possibly be twisted into a professional expense and remember to lump in all the doubtfulls.
Hilaire Bell
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
Douglas Adams
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
~Phyllis Diller
Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know-I've been using it for years.
Tallulah Bankhead
The only way to get rid of temptation, is to give in to it.
Oscar Wilde
You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. He is more particular.... The father is always a Republican towards his son, and his mother's always a Democrat.
~Robert Frost
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck
Fate is not an eagle, it creeps like a rat.
Elizabeth Bowen
You will always be your child's favorite toy.
~Vicki Lansky, Trouble-Free Travel with Children, 1991
Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken.
~Bill Dodds
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain
Great investment opportunities come around when excellent companies are surrounded by unusual circumstances that cause the stock to be misappraised.
Warren Buffett
Freedom to differ is not limited to things that do not matter much. That would be a mere shadow of freedom. The test of its substance is the right to differ as to things that touch the heart of the existing order.
Robert H. Jackson
Eisenhower had about the most expressive face I ever painted, I guess. Just like an actor's. Very mobile. When he talked, he used all the facial muscles. And he had a great, wide mouth that I liked. When he smiled, it was just like the sun came out.
Norman Rockwell
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers
A businessman is the only man who is forever apologizing for his occupation.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.
Pope John Paul II
One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop.
G. Weilacher
That rockabilly sound wasn't as simple as I thought it was.
Carl Perkins
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Peter O'Toole, The Ruling Class
"We all enter this world in the same way: naked; screaming; soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there."
Dana Gould
To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.
~Josh Billings
We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
What a child doesn't receive he can seldom later give.
~P.D. James, Time to Be in Earnest
When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.
Ayn Rand
Parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of.
~Bruce Lansky
"It helps if the hitter thinks you're a little crazy."
Nolan Ryan
"The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow."
Gracie Allen
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Dwight D. Eisenhower, Inaugural Address, January 20, 1952
An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.
Bette Davis
Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his.
Franklin P. Jones
Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
Huey Long
"Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today."
Benjamin Franklin
In every tyrant's heart there springs in the end this poison, that he cannot trust a friend.
Aeschylus
It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.
~Joyce Maynard
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
Erma Bombeck
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
~Robert Fulghum
Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life.
P. D. James
I forgot out there on the stage to thank my cast. So if I could do that now, I want to thank Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz and Donald Rumsfeld. I thought the love scene between Cheney and Rumsfeld brought a tear to my eye.
Michael Moore
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
Douglas Adams
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
Mark Twain
I have made an important discovery.that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.
Oscar Wilde
Be content to remember that those who can make omelettes properly can do nothing else.
Hilaire Belloc
I don't think you can ever do your best. Doing your best is a process of trying to do your best.
Townes Van Zandt
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Winston Churchill
Everyone in those days expected that art students were wild, licentious characters. We didn't know how to be, but we sure were anxious to learn.
Norman Rockwell
"Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams."
Mary Ellen Kelly
Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over.
